Hello There October

I spent the first two days of October in class for grad school.  I’m never doing a weekend class again–I hate sitting for that long. I also hate having no weekend.

So, where did September go? It passed in a blur of preschool, grad school, and trying to figure out my new life. Preschool is going fabulously.  I love my job. The childrens, all nine of my students, they exhaust me. But oh, they are hilarious.

Grad school is not my favorite thing in the world. It takes up time I’d rather be spending working on stuff for my students or trying to develop a social life or sleeping.  However, grad school is the means to becoming a special education teacher someday.  Right now, being an assistant is fabulous.  But I don’t want to be an assistant forever.

I have had limited success in finding a social life.  Where are all the people my age and at my stage of life?  Surely there are people in my area who are recently graduated from college and working full-time.  I haven’t met them, though.

I did find ultimate pick-up in September.  Fear didn’t want me to go–but I went anyway and I had great fun. I still suck at Ultimate. I can never get in the right place at the right time.  I rarely touch the frisbee. But, it’s good for me. I forgot, though, that I was really blessed this summer to play on a summer league team with guys who would throw to me. In this pick-up, guys don’t seem to throw much to girls and the few girls view me as competition. HA.  Life is funny.

So the blur of September charged on to the present experience of October.  September was BUSY. October will also be BUSY. Every day is filled with things to do. I love it. I just wish I had extra time to sleep…

Bring it October.

Whirlwind

May can be summed up in one word: whirlwind.  Everything has changed, ended, begun, continued, stopped, started….  Everything is the same but everything is different.

I graduated.

I moved away from JBU, Siloam Springs, and my first “house.”

I moved home.

I realized I am a nerd and an athlete.

I had a week of random and mostly unidentifiable anxiety.

I went to and played in DIII Ultimate Frisbee Nationals in Appleton, Wisconsin.

I played my last game as a college ultimate frisbee player.

I added two states to my travel list: Wisconsin and Iowa.

I leave for a new adventure tomorrow.

I have spent and will continue to spend far too many hours in a car.

Whirl away May.

Sneak-up May

Well that was interesting. April had mixed results. And May just suddenly appeared as I drove through Texas. Well, as I rode in a 15-passenger van through Texas.

If you’d told me a year ago that I would have gone to 5 Ultimate Frisbee tournaments as a PLAYER, I would have said you were insane.  Instead, I am insane.

April could have been better…but it was mostly better than March. So Jackson trip, consider yourself to have happened in April because I would like you to not be associated with March 2010.

In April I finished my senior project, had a lovely birthday, presented my senior project, creatively wrote a short story, and finished my undergraduate career with the exception of finals week. Some unpleasant things happened too.

So May, you’re going to be different. I have different expectations of you. Mostly because I have no idea what May will do.  Everything’s about to change. Which is both fabulous and horrifying. I hope it’s more fabulous than horrifying.

On an unrelated note, I found digestives at World Market. !!! Digestives are British tea cookies. And they’re amazing. And I don’t understand why there isn’t a World Market any closer than 5 hours away from me. Just like I don’t understand why there are no Half Price Books near me.

First Tournament

This was also supposed to be published a while back. On February 21, actually. Fail WordPress. Fail. Here it is now on March 1 but with the appropriate date.

This weekend I played in my first Ultimate Frisbee tournament.

I was terrified. Which was why I did it. My theme for myself this year is: “Don’t live in fear.” So if I’m afraid of something…I push myself to do it. [This does not include skydiving, lugeing/skeletoning at Whistler in Vancouver, playing with matches, driving unsafely, or any other such nonsense.  The fears involved with those things are healthy.]  Following this theme has manifested itself mostly in starting to play Ultimate Frisbee.

I swear, I lost my mind when I decided to start playing Ultimate this, my last semester of my senior year of college.  In addition to losing my mind, though,  I also let go of some fear, slowly and without realizing it at first.  It was only at the tournament this weekend that I realized how much fear had left me.

My fear of playing Ultimate was failing. I fear failure like nobody’s business. At least, I did. Somehow, I don’t really fear failure as much anymore.  Before I started to play, I feared failing in these ways (and this is by no means an exhaustive list): throwing a frisbee, running, letting down the team by my failures, and being so clumsy/unathletic that I just wouldn’t be able to play at all.

Here’s the thing. I fail at Ultimate. A lot. I throw the frisbee the wrong way. I hit people when I’m aiming for other people. I run the wrong direction on the field. I can’t run an end zone drill properly to save my life. I can’t run fast enough to the end zone to catch a hucked frisbee. I can’t run fast AT ALL. This list could go on forever.

Here’s the thing [again].  I don’t fear that failure anymore.  I know it’s going to happen. And somehow, my acceptance of that failure takes away the fear of it.

And that? That ridding of fear?  Makes all the crazy in my life, especially the Ultimate-related crazy, worth it.

So many times this semester (and oy vey, it’s only February. also, oy vey, it’s already February), I’ve cried out to God saying, “What are you doing? What in the world are you doing to/with my life? This is crazy.”  I still don’t know what he’s doing, because I’m pretty sure He isn’t done yet.  But this whole ridding of fear business? I like that. I like that a lot.

I just wonder….

What’s next?

And until I get that information…I just keep going.