October 2010 – Lakesidegirl

Whoa

November, really?

I look at a calendar and talk about the day with small children every day. Still, November is a surprise. My life seems to always move at breakneck speed, never slowing down.

I made an important decision in October. Sharing this decision with others has led to entertaining conversations. One example:

Friend: “So, how’s school treating you?” [expecting the answer of, fine, busy, etc]

Me: “I hate it, I’m quitting.”

Friend’s Face: Disbelief

It’s getting past my bedtime so I don’t particularly feel like writing much about my decision to go a different direction in my graduate education. I’m pretty excited about it, though. Mostly, though, I’m excited about having a few months to find a life, make friends with people my own age, and look for a different [and most certainly more expensive] graduate program.

Every month of this year, my life has completely changed in some way or another. I decided in October to completely change the direction of my life. That’s kind of a big deal. But, it somehow seems like just a natural progression. Like I had to start a program I won’t finish in order to learn that it wasn’t what I wanted. It’s going to be weird not finishing something I’ve started. And liberating.

So November, what craziness will you bring? If it could involve a group of friends where I live, a man, or really, just a social life, that would be fabulous. Most likely, November will be like every other month this year: unexpected.

Unexpected November is unexpected!

Oh, and I think I’m going to attempt something resembling NaNoWriMo. With no plan except a vague story idea. We’ll see how this goes. It will probably never see the light of day.

[why am I giving myself a new project in the midst of the insane busyness that is my life? probably because I don’t want to do the homework for the classes I have to finish for the degree I won’t be continuing….]

Prompts

I’ve been looking up different creative writing prompts. I like writing. I want to write something more than my own journal-y ramblings (in my real journal and here). Of course, the only way to be a writer is to just start writing.

Alas, I don’t feel like many of the events and stories I might want to share are really that interesting to anyone. Really, who wants to read The Adventures of SPED (special education)?

Or, if my stories are interesting…they probably shouldn’t be shared with the general public because they’re not just about me. They’re about that wedding I was in, that Ultimate team I played on, (oh the prepositional horror I’m in right now) that class I took, (well that’s better, no ending with a preposition there. oh grammar) that family I love. Other people are involved–they’re not just my stories to tell. I can be hurtful enough with the words I speak, so I’d rather not hurt more with the words I write.

The logical answer to those questions is fiction. However, I’m not very good at fiction, because I have a hard time writing about things I haven’t experienced myself. I’m working on it, though. One method (in the last, oh five minutes) was to take a glance at one of the millions of creative writing prompts available on websites. Many look intriguing–but all I can think to write about is a personal story. I mean, some of them demand personal stories, like this one:

Write a formal complaint letter to your deepest, darkest fear.

I don’t think writing to be shared with others has to be so personal as to relate one’s deepest, darkest fear (though writing a formal complaint to that sounds fascinating), I think writing ought to be personal. I just. . .don’t know how to balance those competing forces of being personal and real with being respectful of the privacy of myself and others.

Next month is NaNoWriMo: National Novel Writing Month. My life is such that attempting that (writing a novel of at least 50,000 words in the month of November) would be suicide. However, thinking about NaNoWriMo makes me want to at least try to write something.

I just don’t know what.

Missing Week

Well, I just lost about a week of my life to disease. Colds/sinus infections/head pressure is terrible. I mean, it’s better than stomach flu (heaven forbid) but this particular sinus infection was horrendous. I couldn’t breathe out my nose. I had splitting ear pain. I couldn’t hear quite well due to the pressure in my head. From Saturday afternoon to Thursday morning I only left the house three times. Once to eat dinner, once to go to the library (to get books I couldn’t read because I was sick), and once to go to the doctor. I was home, but I did hardly anything. Because I couldn’t think. Brain cloud. And I don’t really remember much of it.

I missed two days of work. And two classes. Class, I was not disappointed to miss. Work? I was so sad to not be at work. I missed my students, my co-workers. I love my job.

I don’t like that I just missed a week of my life. And I still feel crummy. I need a better immune system.

Too Much

I have a lot to think about. And it’s really too much. I pile on responsibilities, goals, ambitions. When one of my paths to something shifts out of my control, it makes me overthink. Then it’s 11:30 and I have to wake up in 6 hours and I know what staying up late does to me on Tuesday mornings but I don’t fall asleep anyway and I wish I could go to Homecoming.

Hello There October

I spent the first two days of October in class for grad school. I’m never doing a weekend class again–I hate sitting for that long. I also hate having no weekend.

So, where did September go? It passed in a blur of preschool, grad school, and trying to figure out my new life. Preschool is going fabulously. I love my job. The childrens, all nine of my students, they exhaust me. But oh, they are hilarious.

Grad school is not my favorite thing in the world. It takes up time I’d rather be spending working on stuff for my students or trying to develop a social life or sleeping. However, grad school is the means to becoming a special education teacher someday. Right now, being an assistant is fabulous. But I don’t want to be an assistant forever.

I have had limited success in finding a social life. Where are all the people my age and at my stage of life? Surely there are people in my area who are recently graduated from college and working full-time. I haven’t met them, though.

I did find ultimate pick-up in September. Fear didn’t want me to go–but I went anyway and I had great fun. I still suck at Ultimate. I can never get in the right place at the right time. I rarely touch the frisbee. But, it’s good for me. I forgot, though, that I was really blessed this summer to play on a summer league team with guys who would throw to me. In this pick-up, guys don’t seem to throw much to girls and the few girls view me as competition. HA. Life is funny.

So the blur of September charged on to the present experience of October. September was BUSY. October will also be BUSY. Every day is filled with things to do. I love it. I just wish I had extra time to sleep…

Bring it October.